Dear NW FED Staff, November 24, 2022

Thank you to everyone who expressed concern for me over the past couple of months! I have always said that we function more like a family than just coworkers at the FEDs, and y’all have definitely shown that to be true. With that in mind, I want to give you all some insight into what caused the change in the ‘Dr. Poage’ you have known for the past 5 years, as well as what steps I have and am taking to improve things.

First, a little background for context. For those that don’t know, my first wife of 12 years and mother of my two boys passed in 2015 after a 6-year battle with ovarian cancer. This was in the middle of residency and I have been “On-Go!” ever since. Threeyears later, in 2018, Annie and I married, and I became the luckiest fella ever because I have now been married to TWO absolutely phenomenal women! Annie is my absolute best friend, and I cannot imagine how bleak life would be without her.

I always try to make sure everyone feels valued and knows that their work TRULY makes a difference and has an impact on our patients, as well as contributes to an enjoyable work environment. In August, my bosses for our ER group (albeit unintentionally) made me feel so devalued and demoralized that I actually drafted my letter of resignation the next day. However, after consulting with Annie and colleagues whom I respect greatly, I held off submitting it.

In September, Annie had an overwhelming ovarian-cancer scare requiring significant workup that has thankfully come back negative over the past two months. When this happened, it brought to light that I have never truly taken time to grieve the death of my first wife and subconsciously stayed ‘on-go’ to distract me from having to face that grief.

On Thursday, October 27, one of the TT Family Medicine residents took his own life and the doctor working at GST that weekend was the last one to see him alive. After having worked four nights in a row, I came in and worked his shift on Saturday, Dr. Newson and I split his shift on Sunday, then I worked my regularly scheduled shifts on Monday and Tuesday.

On Wednesday, Nov 2, I working at TSQ (no mid-level) on my 10th straight shift and started drowning early. A teenage girl came in with her parents, and in short, due to erroneous thyroid labs, I essentially diagnosed her with a pituitary adenoma - aka ‘brain cancer’ – and discharged her around 3:45pm. About 20 minutes later, Dianne in lab informed me that she came over and re-ran the thyroid numbers herself and they were completely NORMAL. I broke down sobbing. I have been on the receiving end of cancer diagnosis and the emotional rollercoaster it sends you on. Despite my inability to finish my shift, I did my director duty ensuring the rest of the full ED was being taken care of. I want to especially thank Kaitlyn Wynne for coming to my rescue at 4:30pm, as well as Dr. Pearson for coming in early to see patients. Andrea kindly called the family back and Iexplained that I have ‘really good news!’ There was a lab error but most importantly their daughter does not have ‘braincancer.’ I took complete and full responsibility for everything. It was a very good meeting and they were incredibly gracious, however, this left me a complete mess.

At the request of Dr. Weis, I voluntarily met with the Physician Wellness Committee this past Tuesday to explain everything as well as what steps I have already and am taking to ensure that I get back to the ‘Dr. Poage’ that you have all known. I had a complete workup by my PCP and will be seeing a counselor to finally face the grieving process. Additionally, I will be working an average of 10 shifts of month, with max of 12 (instead of averaging 16-18).

The saying goes “Doctors don’t have problems!” Well, we do and we have to take steps to place boundaries and ‘put ouroxygen mask on first.’ (You didn’t think I could go a whole letter without an airplane reference, did you!?) I am very excited for 2023 and look forward to working hard to continue to improve the care we provide and to make the NW FEDs the most desirable places to work in Amarillo!

Again, I just want to say “Thank you!” for caring enough about me to express your concerns. I am incredibly grateful to be surrounded by such an amazing team.

With Warm Regards,

Dr. Frederick D. Poage